Sanoja: Haystak. Portrait Of A White Boy. My First Day.

[Intro]
Sometimes I write about something, that like something I went through
Or something my people went through
And I felt like they needed some motivational shit
And it usually ends up going something like this...

[Chorus]
My first day, without you in my life
Things felt strange, a bit deranged
Even so, I hope you're doin okay
Take it slow, you just never know... ( just never know, oh!)
Yo, you just never know... nooo (just never know, oh!)
You just never know... nooo (just never know, oh!)

[Verse 1]
My systems caught in conniption, stomach in knots
Feedin for my medicine, overcoming addiction
The first step is quittin, nah the first steps admittin
I got a problem, I need help, this is something I can't beat myself
I almost felt like I can't be cured
Rehab won't take me cuz I ain't insured
Layin in the bath tub, shakin like a new born
Searchin for the courage it'll take for me to move on
I've been livin life like this way too long
Beggin God please, bring me home
I stopped before, three or four days
Always end up back in the same place
People call me a junkie, dope fiend
How they gonna judge me, they don't even know me
Lights off, wanna be left alone, I'm tryin to enjoy the methodone
Put a Jimi Hendrix record on, and excuse me while I kiss the sky
Dosed off, woke up, sick to my stomach, ran to the bathroom
Started to vomit, the methodone wore off and the withdrawal started
That first day was the hardest...

[Chorus]

[Verse 2]
Stayed strong, endured the rough weather
I ain't fully recovered but I'm doin much better
I can keep my food down to shakes and calms
They lowerin the doses of methodone
I eat V's and blow lots of dro
It's like chewin gum when you're tryin not to smoke
Keep my mind occupied, calm my nerves
It's not the same high, deep inside I...
Just want one more but I can't turn back this week for it
But I done made it, almost a month
With just a couple of V's and I blew some blunts
But that weed and gonna make me OD
That other shit was gonna kill me
Six weeks, and everything seem so clear
Before I knew it, time flew and I was clean for a year
Can't believe something started off socially
Something I almost allowed to take over me
Days went by and it was sixteen months
And I swear to God I didn't fall off once
I, feel like a brand new guy and I'm definetly livin a brand new life
Some days I still resist the thirst but none's worst than the first (believe
that)

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
Two years and I ain't touched it
Got a lot done, I been so productive
Rebuilt, I was so constructive
Can't believe I was so self destructive
Got a good job and I make big bucks
Went to the lot and got a new pick up
Got a brand new crib and a brand new kid
I think anybody can quit if I did
If you wanna quit, get up and go get the shit
Walk straight to the toilet, drop it, flush it, fuck it, fight it
Just resist it and if this helps then just keep listenin
When you start slippin I'll send you another one
Sonny, wasup?, we just saved another one
I know it's so hard like there's no God
But through him you're able to go so far
Hey, I don't wanna sound corny
I'm just like you either hungry or horny
Seems as though we get hooked so easily
Quitting becomes an impossibility
I ain't sayin treat your body like a church
Just don't let dope put your body in a hearse
The streets inside you, you just gotta search
And know that no day be harder than the first

[Chorus]

[Outro]
Yo, all my people, goin through they thing
Whatever they thing may be
Just know, God got his hands on you
And he'll grant you the serenity
To change the things you can't
And you can change that, aight
Hold me down and I'ma hold you down... one